Thursday, March 29, 2012

Mirror Mirror

2012 Written by Melissa Wallack & Jason Keller

Another classic remake in comedy version. Yay! Well, let's not "yay" too soon. I just watched the open screening of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, and I must say that movie blew Mirror Mirror out the water. With big productions containing Julie Roberts as the queen, it's fair to assume that this movie better kick some serious ass. Well, that never happened, but she did slap Snow White ON THE CHIN. Wow what an evil witch!!! Cough, cough, sarcasm!!! But hey, this movie is tailored to youngsters, so that's as much violence as you get. If you want more action, it's probably better to watch Kristin Steward's version of Snow White. Other than the queen, other memorable characters include the Brighten played by Nathan Lane. Let's just say his punishment to save Snow White was to turn him into a roach which happened to get molested by grasshoppers. Oh you perverted minds. This is all talk and no scenes, so no worries, your kids will still come out innocent unless already tainted. MUAHHAHHA!!!

The seven dwarfs probably played one of the better parts of the story. They were heroic, funny, and well, it's an automatic score for being dwarfs. Go ask Chelsea Handler. Other than Armie Hammer's moderately good looks, that's about all he got for being Prince Charming. Step it up son. At least we get an Indian dance skit from Lily Collins. It wasn't funny, but at least she was into it. For a split second there, I thought, "Is Lily Collins Indian?" A WTF moment hit me. These days with Glee being so popular, dancing skits are just about played out. So false alarm, she didn't redeem anything. Collins and Hammer were not particularly memorable in the movie, but hey, the only people they are appealing to, are kids with very little expectation. Seriously, all they need to do is look hot, That's enough to launch them into a better film.

All insights aside, I did enjoy certain philosophical aspects of the film. Yes, we have to inject some imaginary props. With materialism being so widespread these days, the queen is as shallow as any woman you will find at the mall. The queen decides to tax the poor to fund another one of her elaborate parties, and the excuse was to convince the people that less is more. Maybe it wasn't that philosophical after all (hehehe), but at least it was honest. Let the poor learn from this movie to work for materialism. WHAT A POSITIVE MESSAGE (SARCASM ALERT!!!). Yeah, what kind of impression are you injecting to kids people???

Here's a couple more of my favorite quotes from the movie (Oh so surprisingly, they are all from the Queen):
"Let snow do what snow do best. They fall."
"It is important to know when you have been defeated." Oooo La La... Ok, Lily Collins's last words as Snow White nailed it. Wait, the best you can do is just repeat the Queen's lines? Oh so dramatic. It's been done so many times.

At the end, the movie was centered around Julia Roberts. One can get the credit as she tossed it to Snow, and perhaps to the targeted audience, it's just natural for little girls to want to be Snow. But Julia Roberts had rocked the stage by being the most evil. Her insatiable desire for power, vanity, and the hunt, makes her the best evil person of them all. Julia Roberts was given the most epic lines anyways. If Lily Collins can play Snow a bit more sweeter as the script followed the old script and fell into deep sleep after eating the poisonous apple, she would have rocked her part and the focus would be on Lily Colins. But there was no death, no overly sweet part for her, as the story line rushed her to the finish line of happiness. So as much as the classics set the stage for whoever played Snow White, the stage belongs to Julia Roberts. She owned it. But Julia Roberts should have owned a better stage. This one sucked.

A++ for nice CGI. The Evil Queen's dress as she plans to marry Prince Charming is to die for. GASP!!! Too bad you cannot see the dress in its full glory.

Julia Roberts may own the stage over all the characters of the movie, but the movie does not own the stage for being great enough to earn great money at the box office. Although it is not a horrible film, it is also not a memorable one either. This film showed very little talent at all. It's more like a film to introduce the next teen idol.

Perhaps not much of a movie review but more of an acting critique. I think I am getting somewhere with this.